This weekend was a whirlwind. I did errands, cleaned, practice self care (massage), went out with friends, did some work stuff, and went to a concert. It was very productive and also a lot of fun. The best part about it is Ed’s not involved. I’m still amazed by this fact because I never thought it would happen…but it did! He doesn’t come along for the ride, doesn’t hang out with me, and doesn’t like country music so it is perfect. I am free to make my own decisions on what to do, where to go, and what to eat. I am fully present. I am in control…thanks to recovery.
Back when I was with Ed, I couldn’t go one minute without him being in the way. He was there every time I took a breath and every time I blinked my eyes. He was a constant companion in everything I did. He was my oxygen.
Over time that changed. With help, I became stronger and Ed became weaker. Today, Ed is nowhere to be seen. He doesn’t come anywhere with me and is silent. It can happen for you too. You can go through your days without hearing or being with Ed. It is possible.
As you go about your weekend of things to do and places to go, Ed doesn’t have to come along with you. It’s OK to leave him behind. I give you permission. Remember, Ed lies so don’t fall for it. Don’t listen to what he has to say. Tell Ed No! Take it minute by minute and build up from there. Be patient with yourself.
Talk back to Ed with force and disobey his every command. If he tells you to participate in a behavior, tell him no and do the opposite with recovery leading the way. Reach out for support to help guide you and do your recovery tools to help aid you. Even if Ed tells you he needs to be with you, know that he doesn’t. The choice is yours and you are strong enough to leave him behind.
Recovery gives you the ability to go through each day free from Ed’s chatter. Free from his rules. With recovery, you are in control of your weekend…you are in control of your life. Leave Ed behind.
With health, hope and strength,
Cheryl
