When I was with Ed, I would isolate myself because he told me to. He told me he knew me best and no one else could understand me. Even though I was alone, I was never really alone as he was always there. Being alone and feeling alone was very difficult. My mind would race, my thoughts would obsess about food, behaviors, and rules. It was hard at times to take care of myself and stay focused. That didn’t matter though because Ed said I didn’t need to take care of myself…he would take care of me. He is such a liar. That was then…now that I am recovered, being alone has a different feeling and meaning.
Recently, all my friends and family had other plans so I was “alone” all weekend. It was just me, myself, and I all day, each day. Today, being alone for me is a gift. I relish in the time I have to “just be” and learn more about myself. I have the will and strength to do things that make my heart smile and my mind rest. My mind is free because I’m not obsessing about anything, my mood is upbeat rather than depressive, and I thrive in learning more about me rather than looking the other way; I am in control of what I do, where I go and what I think.
Being alone brings with it a sense of freedom to go and do what you want, care for yourself in a healthy way, and to just sit in the quiet without all the noise in your head about rules and behaviors. Freedom to be confident in the person you are rather than trying to be something else.
Being alone is a symbol of living, feeling, experiencing and taking care of yourself with no help or advice from Ed…something you too can achieve and something worthwhile. As you move forward in your journey being alone will hold a whole different meaning…one that you will cherish and appreciate.
With health, hope and strength,
Cheryl
